JUST REALIZED #1- ABUSE IS JUSTIFIED BY DISCIPLINE

The google definition of discipline is 'the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behaviour, using punishment to correct disobedience.'

What exactly is punishment? I know punishment as a rough penalty given to someone because of an error they have made. The main type of punishments that I've seen or heard of are Caning, forced labor , electrocution and drinking poison (seen it in historical dramas).

Caning was imposed as a judicial form of punishment in the past as a mean of maintaining discipline in schools, prisons, the military and in private homes, this brings us back to slavery and the colonial era.

From white slave masters, African-American and Africans have inherited the practice of beating children coz during colonization, enslavement, and genocidal violence made life more difficult for these communities, so did parenting methods. But we are in the 21st century and times have changed and there's a vast difference between punishment and discipline when it comes to correcting your child's behaviour. While punishment focuses on inflicting pain on a child for disobeying the rules, discipline focuses on teaching them how to make better decisions in the future.

A lot of teachers and parents justify abuse with discipline, they would most of the time punish you for a mistake you've made forgetting the fact that you are human and you are prone to error, after making you suffer physically, psychologically and emotionally they wouldn't explain to you what your mistake was and what you need to change. Even if they do explain it still makes no sense as to why the flogged you. Just because my handwriting is in cursive and not the neat boring type that you want it to be? Just because I pulled my nose while crying after I fell and you thought it was annoying? Just because I asked you to explain a math formula for the 4th time , isn't that your job? Just because I was in class at lunchtime or I was in the dorm during entertainment?

The funny thing is that this teachers would beat you and tell you not to tell your parents coz its " disturbing them with little things we can fix" but no one told me that we aren't supposed to tell our parents because it’s a form of abuse and they had the power to slap them with a lawsuit. Damn! Wish I knew that back then. Do you guys think that these authoritative figures feel respected? I don't respect most of the teachers that 'disciplined' me, I just hate them. Tell me why I was going to the matron to get ice, ointment and a band aid (sometimes it was bandages) just because I didn't get the class pass mark. Personally I had improved but they didn't acknowledge that, did I reach the class pass mark the next time? Of course not, I didn't see the need to. I just put correct answers on my question paper and put wrong ones on the answer sheet I was genuinely mad, I was beyond mad. I almost cursed the dude, like may lightening hit you curse not the light one.

They act on anger, impulsivity and pettiness (if you are offended, guess the shoe fits) #thefanswannaknow except we aren't fans but like why? I mean I get you don't enjoy doing it coz that what y'all say "you think I enjoy beating you? Why can't you just..." Bla Blabla, I might sound rude but I'm not I promise, I'm just saying that they are other ways to 'deal' with the issue. Instead of taking away a person's possessions or adding more tasks so a person you can use the two R's be reasonable and relate to the problem. With the punishments you can see that a person clearly resents you and they are scared of you but with disciplining there is a better relationship with you and the person . If you can't help yourself and you need to discipline your child or student because you were 'disciplined' by your parents and 'nothing' happened, that mindset disagrees with you but go ahead, I guess you can make them pick up rocks, it works at one of my old schools they punished us but it was positive, like holding a 30 second plank which I couldn't do, picking up trash, reflect on your actions, write an apology note (10 pages minimum) and running around the field. It was fun but we were all unfit so we thought of it as punishments . Harsh punishment may drive children to focus their rage on the person who is inflicting the suffering, rather than on the reason they are in trouble.

I'm not saying that disciplining your kids or students is bad, no. What I'm saying is that the way you do is. it may seem as if I'm judging your parenting styles or teaching styles, that’s because I am. Rather of being reactive, discipline is proactive. It helps to prevent a variety of behavioural issues and ensures that children are actively learning from their mistakes. Positive tactics, such as praise and reward systems, are used in many discipline techniques. Positive reinforcement encourages kids to keep doing what they're doing and gives them clear incentives to follow the rules.

This is what I think Punishment and Discipline is all about

Discipline

• Learning how to solve problems

• Learning how to properly communicate emotions

• Maintaining an open mind to new experiences and taking risks

• Learning how to control your rage

• Self-control is something that can be learned.

• Changing from an emotional reactor to a balanced responder

• Confronting concerns and accepting responsibility for mistakes

• Learning to maintain a positive attitude in the face of adversity

Punishments

• Feelings of complete helplessness

• Understand your feelings as if you're "bad."

• Fear

• Anger

• Feeling compelled to conceal yourself or your life

• evasive or avoidant

• Anxious

• Feelings of embarrassment

Spare the rod and spoil the child is a proverb that many adults have taken to mean that a child has to be physically punished when they do wrong or their personal development will suffer. Others justify their actions by quoting Proverbs 13:24 " Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." I don’t want to analyze the bible but what stands out for me is the emphasis that the bible puts on discipline. This gets me asking, Is it possible to get a disciplined child without punishment?Does a rod really mean a rod, a mwiko, a slipper, a belt or are we missing something? Or better still, does punishment really lead to discipline? All in all, from the many conversations I have had with my peers, I just realized that punishing kids should never be confused with discipline. There is a huge difference. <3