JUST REALIZED #5 - WHAT LOVE IS

I legit had no idea what i was gonna do before i joined University until my last M23 paper where i had time left and i thought of what i wanted to do. Listen, there was once a belief that you couldn't truly love someone else unless you first loved yourself. Welcome to Facts or Cap with Cheryl. I used to believe this was untrue, but I've realized that you have to love yourself and take responsibility for your own happiness and peace. Because I hardly love myself—I mean, I love that I can walk, talk, get up every morning, and I love that I can love. It's true that I value my friendships more than I value myself. Every time friends let me down or do something that hurts me, i get so lost because I don't know how to go back to myself.

Whenever my best friend says anything damning about herself, I am the first to ask, "Why would you say that to yourself?” but now that i think about it, I'm always filling her cup but I'm treating my cup so irresponsibly. I have had many crushes in the past, and I’m not sure if i liked them for real or i used them as a distraction. A distraction from myself; “why like yourself when you can like others”.

A few of us were misled into believing that life is complicated and that happiness is a luxury we don't deserve. It's possible that we were neglected or abused as kids (emotionally), rather than learning to cherish and appreciate ourselves. Being an only child, my mother loved me, and I'm positive that at one point I was my gogo's (grandma's) favorite, I was reared in a loving home, but I just didn't love myself.

We could cling to our flaws, past mistakes, and bad decisions as a result of growing up with too much shame and not enough acceptance. We downplay our favorable traits and positive aspects of ourselves. Since I'm a psychology student, you know I have to factor psychology into this. In short, there is a concept known as negative bias. People look inside at their own ideas, actions, and effectiveness, making "corrective revisions if necessary." They build ideas about their capacities, or the natural and formed abilities that allow them to carry out specific tasks successfully, and these beliefs serve as powerful motivators for following behaviours, which are essential for wellbeing. So basically for some people it’s harder to love themselves based on all the negative emotions they encounter. With this cognitive bias because unpleasant experiences typically have a much greater impact on individuals than positive ones

Nobody wants to feel unloved.

One area where we fall short on love is in our ability to love ourselves.

The Bible says to love your neighbour as yourself. Okay L for my neighbours then.

This is actually so hard to write because I still don’t know how to love myself. Also as Christian, i know that the bible defines love in 1st Corinthians 4-8 says that ) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. I know that i don’t love myself because i am not patient with my self, i am unkind to myself especially when i make stupid mistakes, honestly i just don’t fall under that category.

So what I've decided to do is at least establish some self love even if its a little, i don’t know how but I'm gonna try, first of all I'll try loving myself the same way my friends love me and we’ll see how that goes. I asked 6 of my friends(last year) to tell me why they love me and what they love about me and i actually cried, here was what they said:

Well, ok so why do i love you, because you have an amazing sense of humor which makes you really funny. What do i lov3 about you, well, when you are happy, make other people happy too- SM

I love you because you're real you aren't fake... Like no matter what ur always going to be real with me and not spout some fake stuff and tell me lies or anything and I love you because conversations with you always last and talking to you is actually easy. I love you because all the time I've spent with you has always been an amazing time and your vibes are just immaculate and like you're just so easy to converse with. I love you because you are you and you don't try to be someone else ik it sounds so nini... Like it sounds really iconic or something but it's the truth when I say the part I love the most about you it's the part where you're always true like you give off those vibes where you kinda don't care what others may think you know. But yeah i love you regardless either way 😌♥ - Al

Hmmm your Cheryl i don't know how else I would define/describe you other than that, your driven you care about those around you and your not selfish you also kind of help me with swahili even though I struggle with it but this isn't about me it's about you Cheryl. But you have taught me something valuable it is easy to confuse what is with what ought to be and especially when what is has has worked out in your favor.

• MA

Ok our father at sch Fr .Osas told ya when you love someone you can’t explain why or what makes them So important to you I love everything about you literally and I can’t explain why it can’t be put down to human description -WM

The first schema I got from you was a bitchy one. I just thought you were a bitch.

You’ve always had this aura of being able to just make people happy when they aren’t. You’re funny without ever being mean and you’re jokes don’t make sense but always crack me up

The racism (he is joking i just didn’t understand colonization)era was a vibe btw💀

You’re vulnerable and extremely confident. You’re also there for you’re friends when it matters

So yeah that’s why I love you

What do I love you?

You’re able to defuse stressful situations. POV that time we went for psych having not done that essay. And you even though unintentionally made me feel really calm and getting sent out together was a vibe.

I love how you have imposed yourself on my camera roll 💀. Like there are so many memories bro that I’ll take with me for life.

I also love how you confidently express yourself in front of others like bro I couldn’t possibly do half the shit you do on social media. As such you inspire you’re friends

Despite the scares you’ve given me I’m glad you exist

I couldn’t think of particular things so I just listed everything that came to mind. Hence the spam

-AM

I love you Cheryl. I love you because firstly you deserve it, there's so many loveable things about you, your vibes, your humour, your ambition, your kindness. I love you because you deserve all the love in the world. I believe you're a gem and your heart is amazing BC everyday you keep trying, you keep showing up, even when you don't want to be there (and not everyone can tell) BC you try to be good for people even when you're not feeling good. You deserve all that love put back into you. I love you because you care for others, you have so much love and compassion for your friends. I love that you're so strong, and you don't give up. Again, I love you because you deserve it so much, and I hope I could give you a fraction of it. I love you because you mean a lot to me. -AA

Why do I love you ?

who says I do 🤨 jk it’s because you’re a great human and a great friend and your company has the same vibe as those sunrise pictures people take in coast

What do I love about you - your vibe is 16937541/10, like you genuinely know how to make anything fun, you have the most creative and funny ideas, you’re genuinely interested in your friends and while I wouldn’t call you if I killed someone and needed help cause I think you’ll laugh too much, I’ll 100% tell you later and allow you to use the story for a movie/show.

-LM

I am always scared that my friends might see me the way I see myself, and it’s hella scary . I came to the conclusion that i love my friends more than i love myself and honestly i don’t see a problem with it , but apparently it’s not right. But with their responses i literally am obligated to love them. Love you guys (if you are one of my friends reading this <3)

I’ll try treating myself the same way I treat my loved ones, therefore, I am making this promise to myself, y’all are the witnesses, i will never go to war with myself.

I will love myself, or at least try. Love is powerful; loving yourself could be even more powerful, and I want that power.